i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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