I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
