I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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