Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.

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(702): View more from Nevada

We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.

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(+33): View more from France

Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.

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(305): View more from Florida

Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.

(1-305): View more from Florida

God Bless cinco de mayo

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(605): View more from South Dakota

We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often

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(323): View more from California

He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.

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