His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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