i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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