He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
