I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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