I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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