Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
