Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
