Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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