Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
