Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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