I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
