is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
