Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
