Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
