Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dear god my vagina.
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