I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
