I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They took my balls.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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