dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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