Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
