tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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