Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
