Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
