My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
