Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
