Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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