It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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