I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
