Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
