Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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