I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
