What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
