saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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