before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
