hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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