Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
