i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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