my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
