Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
