What did we do last night that was yellow?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
