What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
