I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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