I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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