Umm I'm too high to move.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
