what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
