I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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