Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
